it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
