No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
