he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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