i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
