He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize