why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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