i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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