I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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