And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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