Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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