I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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