They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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