ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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