you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
