Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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