i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
