Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
