if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
