WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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