Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
