Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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