areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Where is the hickey?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
