when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
