What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
