she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I party with great urgency now.
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