You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
