girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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