i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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