mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
