I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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