omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is my gift to your gina
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
