There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
