Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Randomize
