Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
