it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
