alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
