All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pants are for mortals
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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