hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
