Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
