I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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