Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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