Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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