Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
