he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
