Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
