is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
