You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
