If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
