I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Someone shit on the floor
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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