I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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