Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
So. Much. Porn.
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