i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
