When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
