why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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