wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
