Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
